Becoming a Nigerian politician is a long and tedious process many people are unwilling to go through even though they know there’s a lot of money in it.
However, here at Newsgist, we’ve hacked it for you and broken it down into these 10 simple steps so that you can become a Nigerian politician and start living your best life.
NOTE:- If you follow our steps and your finally entered Aso Rock, please don’t forget us oo.. Remember we helped you get in there 😉
Let’s go there….
1. You Have To Start By Becoming A Political Activist
Call out corrupt politicians on every platform possible and amass a large following. Renounce politics and all politicians because they are the devil’s spawn.
Make it clear that you’d rather sell your kidney than become one of them.
2. Make Sure You Become A Very Popular Activist, You Will Get An Appointment
When you’ve become a very well known activist and a voice of the people, use your popularity to collect political appointment from the same people you were criticizing.
After you collect your appointment jump through hoops to defend your appointees and blame everything on the previous government.
Rain is falling too much? The previous government embezzled the money that was meant to pay rainmakers to hold the rain.
3. Now, Start Making Promises That You Have No Intention Of Ever Keeping
Nigerians love promises and that’s what has pushed us to where we are today 😢😢
Just tell them that you will do some of the things I mentioned below even though you know your great grandfather cannot do it 👇
» I will give Nigerians 24/7 light
» I will give Free WiFi in every houses
» I will build 20 schools in one week
» I will reduce the exchange rate to $1 to ₦1.
» With me, corruption shall go to an early grave.
Just promise them all these things and some other petty petty once and you will see them start showing massive interest in you. That’s the same Scam format APC used for us when they wanted us to vote for Buhari and it will worked.
4. You Have To Choose Between Umbrella Or Broom
As you progress in your political career, you have to decide whether it’s broom or umbrella you want to be carrying.
There are 68 political parties in Nigeria but you know the fastest way to get a post is to carry broom or umbrella.
Don’t let anyone deceive you to do otherwise (join another party apart from these 2). You won’t go anywhere even if the new party logo is a car 😂😂
5. Find Yourself A Godfather Or Godmother To Sponsor Your Career
You think political campaigns are cheap? Better be ready to drop it down low so you can get sponsorship.
Most Politicians in Nigeria with good intentions don’t have Money. So, the only option is to go look for Money anyhow and they go through a lot of horrible things that they can never tell us.
So, you must be ready to pay the price or else just go face your work jejely.
6. Practice Your Fighting Skills Especially If You Are Gunning For A Place In The National Assembly
Maybe you should ask Uncle Dino for some tips.
Sincerely speaking, I have watched countless numbers of Videos of the National Assembly and I think being a Thug/Criminal is the most important criteria they used in selecting them.
So, start sharpening your fighting skills else you don’t have a place in Nigerian political ecosystem at all.
7. You Have To Show Nigerians That You Are One Of Them
You might be worth millions of (stolen) naira but that doesn’t mean you will stop taking okada or buying corn on the road like the average Nigerian.
The script is to act like you feel their plight, so get in character and act like your life depends on it else you might not be able to win any election ooooo.
8. As A Politician You Also Need To Get Yourself Security By Whatever Means
Hire cult!sts, militants or religious extremists. What’s your business if they end up becoming a terrorist group because you funded them.
Most Politicians in this country are guilty of this. They are using the advantage of hunger in the land to use many youths in a bad manner to achieve their own selfish interest and bad aim.
9. You Have To Get Your Wardrobe On Check Too
Get a tailor to sew plenty Agbadas for you (the cloths should be white only oooo).
White is the colour of serious politicians – take note of that as you embark your journey into becoming a peaceful politician.
10. Once A Year Share Bags Of Rice To Few People And Take Thousands Of Pictures
A bag of rice is very expensive this time around. So, when you pull up a bus full of bag of rice – Nigerians go hail you say na man you be 🙌🙌🙌
Better still, bathroom slippers too isn’t a bad idea. Depends on the kind of message you intend to pass.
Any time Nigerians accuse you of not doing your job publish the pictures online to show them that you are a very hardworking politician.
